THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
​
1) Pass the puck. You might be the best player on the ice. You might be able to stick-handle through the other team at will and score, but nobody likes a puck-hog. Give it up – think or yourself as the next Gretzky, not the next Ovechkin.
​
2) Don’t kill the goalie: (a) The Warmup. No goalie ever asks to have his head warmed up. Nor do they need to work out kinks in their neck or collarbone. There is no need to shoot the puck above the goalie’s belly button. If you want to wire a few high hard ones, or test out your new composite stick, do it against the glass. Injuring the goalie during warmup is a big no-no. (b) Don’t kill the goalie: The Game. When the goalie puts his glove or pad on the puck stop hacking & poking. Assume the play is dead & skate away. If you are driving the net and have to choose between Bertuzzi'ing the goalie (and scoring) and going around the net (and not scoring), opt for the latter.
​
3) Don’t kill anybody else. If you get the puck at the point, resist the temptation to shoot for the top corner. Ripping a shot past the ears of the guys standing in front of the net won’t win you any friends.
4) Pay the man. Some shmuck got suckered into being the guy who collects the money needed to pay for the ice – you need this guy more than he needs you. Don’t make him chase you down for money.
​
5) Get off the ice. If you are skiing instead of skating, get off the ice. If your linemate or the guy after you heads off, if play was stopped on your behalf, if you’ve simply been on for more than 2 minutes - get off the ice. Everybody's dollar is equal; every player is entitled to equal ice time and a short sit.
​
6) Keep it clean. Assume the NHL rules apply to you – stop hooking, holding and water-skiing. If you trip somebody, apologize. If somebody trips, hooks or holds you, assume it was an accident.
​
7) Air out your equipment. When you were 13 it was cool to bring tears to your teammates’ eyes just by opening your bag. That time has passed. Keep it clean.
​
8) Don't whine about the teams. The same shmuck who collects the money attempts to create balanced teams from a wildly unbalanced talent pool. If the odd game is a little one-sided just shut-up and play harder. Consider it an opportunity to work on your defensive play.
​
9) Give up your dream. You are not going to the show. You will not be discovered by an NHL scout while playing pick-up hockey at 10PM on a Tuesday night. Play hard but remember that Janet Gretzky is not waiting at home for you & everybody has to go to work the next morning.
​
10) Be like Mike (Bossy). Despite being a deadly, highlight-reel goal-scorer, Mike Bossy was always humble. Any time he scored, which was very often, he deflected attention away from himself by crediting his teammates with great plays and great passes. Be like Mike - if you score, no matter how beautiful you think the goal is, resist the temptation to blow an Ovechkin kiss to the (non-existant) crowd or give a Jagr salute to your (non-existant) fans. Skate over to the guy who passed you the puck, tap his glove, and get on with it.